F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Connected

I be there for you...... 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.  was is and always be my favourite tv show..... I consider it as a service to god if I get people hooked to it.... One thing I loved about the show was the sheer connection between the character.... their friendship, love, companionship.... How no matter what they end up finding a way to support each other.... find in their heart to defend each other, support each other and be there in their darkest time....
Remember when pheobe thought her mother was in a cat and Ross though came as a voice of reason ended up supporting pheobe.... Or when Ross was getting tortured by emily but they didnt because they assumed it made Ross happy.... But moment Joey thought he wasn't happy he spoke up his mind.... and after that did support him.... I have endless references... END OF THE ERA.... Rachel and Monica crying while leaving.... All of it....
To tell you the truth I have always thought friendship being the most important of all relationships.... U didn't choose where or to whom would u want.... Or whom u fall in love with.... that too just happens right.... or so I have been told.... But friendship.... you nurture it.... step by step.... Every day you learn about ur friend... Its like a plant that you sow seed to and it grows swiftly and slowly... U have to be patient with it.... Let it find its own gravity, it own depth.... closer u are deeper the roots go... stronger your bond become...
Friendship I believe is most sacred of a bond.... A friend does anything for you for a sheer will.... not because he is suppose to.... Not because that how it is..... they have no connection, no family ties, nothing of sort that other relationship boast but there is something awesomely pure about friendship....
I have personally tried to perceive friendship exactly this way.... But I see around how people who were closer than brother fell apart.... because of Ego, Fights and what not.... How we start to think our friends are disposable.... How we begin to understand that they are replaceable and that we can have someone new.... Fact is the bond u might share with your friend is not something you can build in a day.... My heart still aches for every friend that moved away from me.... Some because of my ego some because of their's.... Friends whom I had strong connection with.... that tree fell without a trace....
We generally think that we have our parents,.... family and thats what matter.... But your friends are your extended family... one you choose on your own free will..... I have read on many memes that friendship lost when a friend gets committed.... I always made a conscious effort to maintain the equilibrium.... The thing about relationship is that you get into one and that becomes ur focal point.... I am not that kind of guy so I never had that fixation but I have tried my best to understand it.... But I have one thing to ask.... Your friend was there before.... and would remain after.... To girls who stop talking to their guy friends because their BF told them so.... If your BF doesn't trust you then whats the point.... I agree maintain a limit... so that he feels comfortable too but why ditch a friend....
and guys the girl came and she is it.... I get it... thats freaking awesome.... But what about the times your best friend had your back.... or even you did have his back.... the memories you share....
I have lost many friends.... time and again my believe in friendship has shaken but even then I still believe This is the most beautiful relation one could ever have.... No strings attached.... just being there because u want too....
so to all my friends....
I be there for you.... if you are slow... i will follow....
if you run i will cover the sun so you don't feel the heat....
I will stand in way of all that harms your way....
and i would die for you... and that all I need to say....
because even you know...
I be there for you....

Unbeaded Strings

"You got no strings on me" 

For so long I wished to say these words to every one I know.... to every individual that I have met.... I am sure you have felt that too.... somewhere deep inside you... lurking every time someone asks something you do not want to answer.... Every time you feel a bit dishearten by mocking of your respective societies.... Every time you get in argument with your mom and you loose..... OF COURSE you loose.... Who can ever win against a Woman right...... :P

For all those who know me.... I am not the kind of guy who expresses much of deeper feeling.... Yes I have been known to be blunt and outright about what I feel at times.... But the deeper feelings I hide them.... I started writing again to let those out.... All my INGLORIOUS THOUGHTS left loose to the world....
I have struggled with Strings which we call relationship.... I don't really understand them all.... Actually I do not understand any of them.... I don't know understand relationship between parents and children.... I see parents sweating for there children.... Most if not all.... But then I see same parents do not having any regard for their own parents.... But they want their children to love them....

I have struggled through love..... I never understood it.... the dynamics of love.... I have been in love.... But how do u fall out of it.... The guy or girl you have been saying love you too becomes obsolete.... You start getting disgusted by thought of them..... U are so annoyed with them that they become source of your jokes... but then most of time you get back with them and repeat this vicious cycle.... I understand feelings can die..... I understand you might not have same care for them.... But how do you loose the respect you had for them.... Why abuse them.... harm them.... make mockery of them.... Even if the ending was bad... starting wasn't.... the journey was not.... but yet people forget the whole journey and only focus gets on the end.... Why forget the good time.... remember them they can help you respect them..... But alas the whole concept cheats me....

One thing I never really struggled with was Friendship....  Since the time I made my own meaning of friends.... And mind it F.R.I.E.N.D.S  had a lot to do with it..... I understood that this is one relation we forge deliberately.... we work through it.... You do not become friends at 1st site.... You do not become friends to gain something.... You do not become friends for anything..... You just becomes friends.... Passing through the inferno that induces Trust, Solidatory, Companionship in you.... An idea that there be someone to catch u....
For me I have always been the catcher.... Look after guy.... Friends would think don't worry he got ours back.... But some how I have always been let down.... I don't know why.... May be I wasn't good friend.... May be because I take friendship too seriously..... Its funny how it is.... Someone new comes along and you loose a friend.....
in Big Bang theory sheldon says "when someone starts a new relationship he/she is bound to loose one or two friends." someway that friend is always me.....
may be I am wrong.... may be I am out of my bloody mind.... And I am sure That i am but i have seen quite too often friends falling pray to love.... Friends who use to visit you every week wont show their faces for months.... You feel unwelcomed..... U feel that you do not belong to the group that you started.... The friends who became part of your family.... visiting your houses too engaged in their respective ordeals of relationship that they tend to forget that there was something beyond that relationship.... That there was a friend that stood by them.... Helped them.... Guided them..... for them ur existence becomes unimportant..... they form new bonds.... but in the whole process they forgot about the bonds that did exist.....
may be I failed to understand this relationship too.... may be I expected too much.... or may be I got too involved.... may be i screwed it up somehow..... But I know that with repeated experience that what I thought about friendship is wrong too.....
the Unbeaded strings we attach with people..... in any way..... in any form.... physical mental emotional seems to have forsaken me.... Alone and funny part is I am enjoying the loneliness.... somehow....
may be I really Dont have any strings on me......

Survive!!! because there is no other way....

Sometimes if you want to live you must be willing to die.....
I know the world has changed, I know the things are getting difficult.... I know everyone is cultivating their own issues in their own problems that they are unable to comprehend other's.... The world is shattering into the pieces... Humanity seems lost, the religion that was meant to unite is divided, and the struggles keep on growing every bit every second every time in ways we don't know how to tackle them. It is not just the real world that is going through the turmoil but our insides too.....
Every day someone's dream gets shattered, Every minute someone gives up on something they have been aiming for their entire life, Every second someone is questioning his or her being and their existence. I have been through it..... Hell, I am going through it.... I have been with this tussle for last 7-8 year, looking for my existence looking for who I am what I am.... No, I am not a monk, neither do I have a desire to leave the worldly affairs to find the bigger truth.... I am a normal guy who likes normal stuff like money, girls, Booz friends all the bad things that there might be.... I am a normal guy who tries to help anyone I can and yes I am a normal guy who cries when he seems lost...

I know many of you would relate to me..... There have been times when we question our self, hell I have questions that do I even deserve to take a breadth of this air.... I lost faith in almighty long time back.... Never looked at God for support.... I do blame him once in a while, I guess that might be a nature or hypocrisy in me talking because I am just a normal guy....
But through the years of my struggle, I know something.... My issues are not big or small.... My issues are not comparable to other.... Many have it worse and many have it better, but they do have issues.... And its all relative.... Every one problem is big for them.... But I want to shout to one thing,....
Don't give up... Not today Not Tomorrow.... Not till the day you die....
The day you decide to give up on your dreams is the day you decide to die.... You kill a part of you.... A soul that has been lingering around giving, you will to fight.... And now when the time came that you fuel that desire with your conviction, perseverance and dedication you decide to give up? It doesn't work like that....
My mom says: - "You had your failures because of your incapability to give up..."
I totally agree... I am not capable to give up.... Maybe that is the reason I am who I am.....Naruto never did.... Nor did Goku or Superman or Our freedom fighter or Sachin tedulkar or Thomas Edison or Beethoven.... I have endless names.... Petter Dinklage your beloved Tyrion Lannister became an actor at age of 30+, Jon snow didn't give up even after being dead....
Then how could you.... You have to pay your dues.... You have to work hard.... You will have to sweat and bleed.... You will have to get your bones broken.... But lemme assure you.... You will get through... Eventually and more gloriously than any other.. Being a loser I am.... I didn't give up.... You seem 1000 times better than me.... Just know it's just around the corner....
You have to try few corners before you get to the right one....

He called.... But she drove away.... part II

As she drove through the busy street of her street lost in the land of her own thoughts that sublimed through her consciousness it all started coming back to her one by one….. How she met him and how it all began for her…. Into everything she was she never knew she would be into someone like him and would get entangled into all this with sheer sense of emotion that over took her own thoughts her mind her reasoning her every aspect of her personality….. Or that’s what she showed to everyone across the college and her friends who knew her…..
Sneha thought to her self “What the hell is with him….. why did he stop calling? I can’t loose him…. I just can’t…”  Now one would thought it was her love and essence of her feel but even she was not sure if it was love or it was her need to win and be the Diva she has always been through all these years.

She met him at a friends birthday….. the geeky guy…. Tall… well built….. Not too muscular nor too skinny just right…. He seemed intelligent the way he was talking in confidence and with everyone listening to his point of view…. He was talking something about history or something….. she lost interest in him as soon as she heard him talking all that…..
she thought “who talks about all these things at party…. Either he is too drunk or too boring….” She shifted her attention to Abhay…. Her pronounced boyfriend or something of that sort…..

She didn’t see the guy after that…. He faded away from her memory… After all she was used to getting hit by these sort of guys all the time…. And this guy didn’t have much of a backup reputation so that she could leave some sort of mark on her….

Couple of months latter…. She was at her department and same guy was there standing…. Organizing something…. It was a concert and he was in charge….. she was suppose to report to him as she was intern for the organisers65….. she walked to him….

She “Hie! I am sneha… from…”

Guy “its okay…. Where ever you are from…. I don’t have time…. Come with me we got to go to couple of people to get some collaboration and funds for the event”…

She followed….. He fired up his bike….

She thought “bike?? Man my hair…. But it can be fun….”

And then the drive for their life started…. She stayed with him for all the event…. Where ever he goes she accompanied…. The trait that put her off last time….. His talking and intelligence… made her admire her and fall for her…..

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He fell on his bed… his phone slipped from his hand…. He was getting agitated annoyed at how sneha was so self centered…..

He thought “Fine I get it she is angry…. Cant she pick the damn phone…. I called like what 50….. fuck it…. I wont call her either now….”

He closed his eyes…. Phone lying on his side….. His eyes shut and he passed to the never land…. Thinking How it all began….

It was Ravi’s girlfriend’s party…. He just had a break up…. He was interested in going….. Well it was his sulking time …. Listening to arjit…. Stalking his ex on fb…. Or whatsapp…. At the same time looking for a new one…. Checking profile of hot girls…. Thinking to send her friend request then not sending it because he thought it was too desperate to do so….. but No No how could he do that….. he was hogged nagged blackmailed beaten and what not to go to this party by all his friends….and he gave in…. well free alcohol and food…. Who says no to that right?

He was there having some discussion with couple of people…. Well actually he was trying to show how smart he was or knowledgeable… actually he considered him self not good looking or any trait that might get him any attention so he thought to show off what he is good at…. Arguments and Knowledge…. And then across the hall a girl caught her attention….. Dressed in hot pair of shorts and a crop top…. With fluffy hair…. Her lips were little wet with the whiskey in her hand….. he just skipped a heartbeat….

“A girl so hot with whiskey on the rocks…. How can you just not love her right?” he thought….

He noticed she was looking at him…. So he started talking a bit louder…. So she could hear him…. But after few minutes she moved to the guy she came with…. By the end of the night he saw her making out with the guy on the couch….. As a predator he was he moved on to the next girl in the party….. He ended up buying her a breakfast next morning…. Well she paid but who was keeping the track of who did what right??

He thought “Mental high five dude…. Still got it right…. ”

Surprising he was not sulking over the his ex anymore…. He found out the girl name was sneha…. Checked her fb and then he left it….. It was not in his nature to try too hard on a girl…. He was not the type to go around finding who she was and all…. But he would still think about her now and then…. And eventually is subsided…..

He got an assignment in college to organize the college concert….. and fest…. In all the application he got for intern couple caught his eyes…. His best Friend…. Himanshu handed over that one too her…. Familiar face… same smile and same arrogance can be seen through the eyes….

Few days latter he was telling people what to do… telling the duty he has…. Himanshu and Devansh on his side…. He felt a soft nudge from Devansh and he saw a totally dumbstruck girl….. As if she saw some sort of ghost….

Sneha began to introduce her self….

He cut her in between…. For 2 reason…. One he wanted to leave an ever lasting impression and 2^nd well the 1^st one was the only reason he had…..

He took the opportunity…. Took her with her…. He took the Bike…. He could see the despair in her face….

He thought “hahahahha this could be fun”

And then the drive of their life started…. He kept her with him…. By one reason or another…. They started getting closer…. He orchestrated the thing and love getting close to her every moment… He knew he was smitten but to what extent was beyond his perception….

Innocence lost??? May be not!!!

Most of you have watched slumdog millionaire.... My friends in USA loved it.... Me not so much because it did a damage to my pride as being Indian.... Showed me the sad state of affairs that proceeds indian society.... I argued that India is not all about slums and children begging.... India is much more and I laid down that fact in front of many through years (I hardly loose an argument).... But sometimes a spoke of truth, dark as the darkest night hidden in the plain sight looks at you....

I was sitting with some of my friends having some useless discussion, some fun and some snacks.... A kid stood in distance watching.... I noticed him but decided to ignore.... I was waiting when would he come to ask for something.... but he didn't.... He waited and as soon as we were finished he came and picked all the garbage and put it in his bag.... I had a bag too at his age.... I would complain daily how I had to lift it up and walk several flights of stairs in school but that gave me prospect of brighter future....
This kid had a bag too... dirty, filthy bag.... but it gave the shades of dark present and a future that was in abyss.....
I walked to him and gave him 10 rs.... he said he doesn't want it.... I asked if he wants to eat something he looked at his sister and said "Bhaia ise pastry khila do (feed her some pastry pls)" i took them both and fed them pastry.... the ate they were happy and left....another incidence happened when I gave some kids small biscuits packet and they were happy as if they found gold.... I had this urge of happiness and then a guilt and sadness crept over my consciousness....
an old man standing guard at of Mac Donalds 24*7 middle of night in cold weather hungry and shivering.... You offer him 30 rs burger and you would see how happy he gets... he gives you all kind of blessing.....
A friend of mine conjured that this means I am nice person because I fed them.... But I am not.... May I did all that to cleanse my soul.... may be just to show that I am nice guy.... May to impress that cute girl in crop top staring at me.... may be I am writing this to patronise me and paint me as a better person.... may be I was looking for my lost innocence in those kids eyes.... To look from their prospective I had everything.... I was happy.... no matter how I crib about it I always had a better life than many.....
But they???
They didn't.... I had better life because my parents gave that too me.... I had nothing to do with that.... They struggled because their parents were not upto the task.... I was guilt stricken.... I saw my face in the mirror.... A face of a man who just desired more and more.... even in all the hardship they were able to preserve a bit of their innocence.... But what about us.... We lost our innocence way back.... may be even when we didn't know how to spell the damn word.... lets try finding that innocence.... that sincerity that essence of doing and leave being the longing for attention and all that forsakes us.... may be if we do that just may be we can actually be happy with our achievement.... may be we can achieve what we want.... just may be we becomes someone who changes the world.... lets bring a small change in ourself and see the ripple effect that follow.... just may be lets try for once....

Inglorious Thoughts: He called but she drove away

Inglorious Thoughts: He called but she drove away

He called but she drove away

She could not see the road clearly... her fist were clenching the steering wheel as if she might pull it away from the car. Her breathing was high.... she was trying her best to concentrate on the road.... her well manicured fingers were giving her anger away with there shivering.... It all went in a moment.... she stepped on the gas and then vroomed through everything.... the phone kept ringing and ringing... displaying "Shash calling"

"why dont you pick it up? atleast talk to him, listen what he wants to say to you" says Revati her supposed best friend...

she knew all revati wanted was some gossip about what happened and how it happened.... but she was not thinking she pressed her break and stopped abruptly... thankfully to the side of the road.... Revati seemed scared which made sense... 

She looked at the phone.... she cut the call.... it started ringing again.... she cut it again and again and finally she let it be.... She didnt switch it off because she wanted him to know that she was angry and ignoring him.

She looked at Revati.... a bit furious and bit annoyed.... Revati knew it was in her better interest if she let her be...

She thought "how could he... How could he just do something like that.... and he has the guts to talk to me.... I think its time he gets to know who I really am"

took the steering wheel.... pressed in the gas and with that she drove away again..... thinking how it all started....

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He was pacing in his room.... his mobile on redial.... it showed.... calling SLove .... and then phone got disconnected.... he pressed redial and again the same fate awaits him... He was pacing up and down.... visibly angry and helpless.... he called again.... uttering the words.... "pick up please just pick up once" but he knew she would not she was just too angry...

He was not calling to apologise or manipulate her.... he was scared... he knew how reckless she gets while driving and now she is angry it like icing on the cake.... but what he could do.... he tried calling Revati but she didnt pick up either.... he just wanted to know if she is okay.... He was wrong probably but for now he just wanted to hear her voice... the phone said "the number you are trying to reach is either not rechable or switched off... please try after some time...."

frustrated and tired he fell on his bed and went into the memory lane.... thinking how it all started....